Welcome Baby Stellan!

Forgive my absence from my blog updates! Life has been a little crazy and after a certain week of pregnancy, updating was the last thing on my mind!

We welcomed baby Stellan Michael into our family on March 31st 2021 and the last nineteen days have been an absolute whirlwind..

In a previous blog update, I wrote about the birth trauma stemming from the birth of my first child back in 2018 and how it had left me with a lot of uncertainty and fear regarding the then-impending birth of my second child. In a nutshell, at just about 42 weeks I had an emergency c-section following an unsuccessful 30 hours of labor.

This time, while a markedly different experience, was still quite traumatic and I am personally now convinced that maybe it has to be as birthing a child is truly a transformative experience. In no way do you ever go back to who you were before. Like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon - one must die a little in order to be reborn.

​My first child, Rémy, was born at just about two weeks past due as I just mentioned. He weight almost 10lbs and I never truly went into labor on my own. This time; however, I did experience labor. Funny thing is - I had no idea what to expect with labor because I did not experience a traditional birth experience during my first go. So how did it go down...read on!

3/31/21
10:50am
I felt my son’s head lift out of my pelvis and a gush of water escaped me! I honestly thought I had just peed myself a little because if you’ve ever had a baby, you know how much “little pee” escapes in those last few weeks. I though nothing of it and went on about my life.

3/31/21
2:45pm
i went to the gym for my usual workout - leg day. With every thrust and squat, I felt lightening shooting down my inner thighs and continued to experience that gushy feeling.

3/31/21
4:00pm
I head to my regular doctor’s appointment, now wondering if what I had been experiencing all day was my water breaking and if those “tightening” feelings in my belly were baby moving slowly or signs of true labor. I didn’t want to get my hopes up so I barely mentioned to my husband in the car (I insisted meeting up at home and taking one car just in case) the things that I had experienced. I just casually threw it out there that I thought something maybe, possibly, ever-so-slightly - something could be up.

3/31/21
4:30pm
My regular OB was on at the hospital so I saw a different doctor to whom I described my experiences. Just like that, I was on my way to Labor and Delivery to confirm whether or not my water had broken.

We didn’t stop for food (I was really looking forward to our weekly post-appointment date at Tacos El Tio) and we definitely didn’t stop to install a car seat or pick up our somewhat packed hospital bags (second kid problems) as I was convinced they would be sending me home, slightly embarrassed that I had peed myself and announced it to the world.

Upon arriving at the hospital, those stomach tightening feelings I had been having had increased significantly. I told the intake nurse that I was probably just being silly, but she confirmed that I was not in fact crazy and it sounded like I just might be in labor.

A midwife came in and gave me the litmus test which was inconclusive, as was the microscope test - especially since I did seem to have a lot of fluid present. I was sent to ultrasound, where it was confirmed that I did in fact have a slow leak! During that time, those contractions had kicked up to 3 minutes apart! Wow! This was really happening!

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the one disappointing fact was that I was once again 0 dilated. “High and tight” was what I kept hearing in reference to my cervix. After the midwife consulted with my OB/surgeon (who I had already mentioned just happened to be on that night) it was decided that at 9 days early, I would be having a baby that night! Albeit by cesarean so as not to put me through the same trauma as I had experienced the first time around.

We honestly could not believe that it was really happening. My husband quickly left to grab the car seat and our bags - hastily packing anything I had yet to include. We made arrangements for our son to be picked up from daycare and I called out of work for the next day. I left all of my personal belongings in my classroom thoroughly certain I would be returning for my last scheduled day of service on 4/1.

Hours past and we waited. I breathed through my contractions as best I could as I was being prepped for surgery.

3/31/21
8:30pm
I walked myself back to the OR and hopped up on the table, incredibly nervous this time about the Spinal Block heading my way. I received my epidural the first time around in so much pain and already drugged on morphine, I didn’t really think much about it. But this time - I was stone cold sober and a little to aware of what a spinal block looks like! I had a great anesthesiologist, and despite me jumping off the table when she touched my back with her finger, I was feeling my legs melt away from me in no time at all, blissfully unaware of any needles.

my husband was brought in. Preparations were calmly being made all around me. They even asked what type of playlist I wanted. I said Bruce Springsteen.

The cesarean itself is uncomfortable and feels like you are being pulled and rummaged through and the smell of what I always think is burning skin is pungent.

​I barely felt anything this time. Thank goodness.

3/31/21
9:40pm

Making his debut at 8lbs .7oz and 21 inches long, Stellan Michael came into the world to the lyrics of Hungry Heart. He looked like a prune, but boy was he beautiful and healthy

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